It was one of those mornings. No, not that kind. The other type. You know what I mean. I had woken up late, hit my head on the AC duct, and then waited for access to the bathroom. "Morning Gaia, could you wake up Ophelia?" Jenny said as she picked up her violin case and headed towards the door. "Murgle," I replied. I thought it was quite eloquent, considering the tooth brush in my mouth. I heard a somewhat muffled "Thanks!" followed by the door slamming behind her. Apparently 'murgle' means 'yes'. Having managed to shape my hair into something vaguely recognizable, I tried to shake Ophelia awake. She gurgled something. Having done my moral duty as a good room-mate, I slipped on a greenish t-shirt (which clashed with my eyes, but worked well with my hair), a dark skirt, and headed out the door. For you hentais reading this, I was wearing underwear. And don't think that you're safe just because you're out of arm's reach. I'll get you eventually. Cuz I'm... >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< HENTAI HUNTER GAIA Original concept by: Myth (she who is deserving of worship and/or she who is cute) This part by Philip Barkow Thanks to W4, Eslington and the Lady Chaos for pre-reading. PART II: Soft-kore Kombat DISCLAIMER! WAI! WAI! THIS FIC CONTAINS NAUGHTY NAUGHTY BAD BAD COMMONLY USED FOUR LETTER WORDS TO KNOW AND SHARE!!!! If the lives of teenagers offends/scare/frightens/interests you in a bad way/makes you lose hair, please do not read this fic. Otherwise, enjoy! Further Disclaimer: If you are a representative of Mutant Enemy productions, I would like to point out that no profit is being derived from this work. Should you consider legal action, I feel it necessary to remind you that the Parody Defense has been successfully used in similar cases. I would like to conclude with a quotation. "Please don't sue. I'm broke." >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< A horrible sound filled the room. It was so terrible, it was almost palpable. One, whose life was filled with so much torment that he could bear this noise, stepped forward to put an end to it. "Fli-" Bubbles was cut off as his master leapt to feet. "THOU SHALT NOT CALL ME FLIDAIS!" *THWAP!* "Sorry, Master Bates. It's time to get up now." "That may be so. However, it is important that I get enough to sleep in order to be ready to confront the challenges that the day brings. The old cliche 'No rest for the wicked,' has no place in these modern times." "And there were 37 distinct complaints about your snoring." >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< I felt his aura before he entered the room, blotting out the weaker auras of those around him. "Try not to walk into any walls this time." I thwapped Pan with my music book. "That aura of his fills the room with a kind of icky feeling." "Well, you should probably wait for a better time to use your mad kung- fu skeelz on him. Mr. Parsa might complain that you were interrupting his class." I didn't reply to him. Bates' gaze had found me. I heard the voice in my head again. 'Not here, and not now Gaia. But I will destroy you.' I tried to ignore the hentai and started paying attention Mr. Parsa. A couple minutes later, I decided that while Bates might be... well, was... evil, icky, and probably had hentai and/or homicidal intentions towards my person, he was significantly more interesting than Mr. Parsa. He was also kind of cute, in an evil/hentai kind of way. His outfit was awful though: a black t-shirt on top of black jeans. The two different shades of black clashed abominably. What surprised me was his skill level he played at. He wasn't particularly good nor particularly bad. In fact, he was downright mediocre. Arch-villains are supposed to be either lousy (getting by only through evil and deceitful means), or they're supposed to be excellent (with pursuits like this being nothing more than ways to prove their superiority over others). But Bates was just mediocre. He wasn't that good, but he certainly wasn't the worst in the room, and he seemed to have potential. >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< On the way to lunch, Bates brushed by me as he passed in the hall. I felt a chill go down by spine. Then it went down a little bit farther. Speeding to the washroom, I discovered a ball-bearing in my panties and promptly removed it. Just a little reminder about why the world needs a Hentai Hunter. >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< I came around the corner and found myself face-to-face with Sarah Druantia. Looking to the right and left, I evaluated my chances of escape. "Oh! Hi Gaia!" It was too late. "Err, hello." She smiled, and suddenly my hentai sense flared. Then I felt a sudden chill as water splashed over us. I looked past Sarah only to see a not particularly cute, fair-haired boy doing a lousy job of hiding a bucket behind his back. "You ladies look like you need some help getting out of your wet clothing." I lashed out with a kick, but I was slowed by having to go around Sarah, so he easily avoided it. I threw a couple of punches, but he managed to block them. Obviously, he was a tougher breed of hentai than Zack had been. I connected with a palm strike to his left shoulder in an attempt to throw him off balance, but it just let him get close enough to get a grip on my bra strap. It caught me totally off-guard, and it hurt. Bras are not meant to be removed without being unfastened first. Before I could recover from that, he tripped me. I got my hands out and managed to catch myself, but even before I'd hit the ground, he was already lifting up my skirt. I caught him in a scissor hold and snapped his neck. >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< Elsewhere, Flidais looked up from his Spherical Glass of All Seeing Power (TM). "Interesting. It appears this Hentai Hunter will provide more entertainment than I thought." He glanced back to his Spherical Glass of All Seeing Power (TM) in time to see Sarah glomp Gaia while expressing her gratitude. "Much more. Let's see about finding a new playmate for you." Flidais reached for his copy of 'Demon Summoning for Dummies'. >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< "You alright, Gaia?" "Was it that Bates guy again?" Unlike Jade, Celes sounded more indignant than concerned. After I had regained my breath, I replied. "Sarah cornered me on my way down the hall. Before I could get away from her, I had to deal with a hentai. I barely managed to escape from Sarah." They adopted sympathetic expressions, but before anyone could speak up, Jenny came in. "Gaia, there's something in the hall you should probably deal with." "What kind of something? "The kind with large horns and more tentacles than an extra large serving of kalamari." "What? I thought I was supposed to hunt hentais, not demons!" "Well, I guess this would be a slight change of plans then, ne?" >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< The thing was ugly. I don't mean ugly like your aunt with the oversized nose, freckles, one eye that's too far to the left, who pinches your cheek, and still treats you like you're 2 years old... But that's a story for another time. I mean majorly ugly. The kind of ugly you shouldn't have to see unless you've just paid five bucks for the ticket to a horror movie with the latest in special effects. Figuring that the sweet and gentle approach wouldn't work with this thing, I ran up to it and beat 6 colors of hell out of it. Or at least that's what should have happened. I took two steps towards it, and it walloped me with one of its tentacles, sending me half way down the hall. I got up and approached it more cautiously. Caution pays off, this time I managed to avoid the tentacle it tried to wallop me with. Then I learned that it can use more than one tentacle at once as it promptly walloped me with a different tentacle. I couldn't shrug this hit off quite so easily. A couple moments later as I forced myself to my knees, I looked up to regard it's tentacled form. >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< Flidais gazed contentedly at the helpless form of the Hentai Hunter on his Spherical Glass of All Seeing Power (TM) . Moving quickly, he flipped to a section in the back of 'Demon Summoning Made Easy'. "Ah here it is! To Insert Tentacle A into slot B first reset the..." Flidais stopped reading as he glanced his Spherical Glass of All Seeing Power (TM) to see that Gaia had escaped. "Oh well. We will continue tomorrow, and this time there will be no escape! BWA HA HA- *cough, hack*" >(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)<>(*)< NEXT TIME, ON HENTAI HUNTER GAIA... "They'll hurt a bit, but you won't be able to defeat the demon without them." "These things hurt a lot! Explain to me again how nipple clamps are supposed to help me fight a demon." ...OR NOT.