Near-death experiences are supposed to change a person drastically, right? ....What? You mean you've never read Betty J. Eadie's books about death and heaven and God? Good. You haven't missed a damn thing. Well, my own near-death experience has done nothing but piss me off. Come to think of it, the last two days have really pissed me off!!! Pan going off to boink some girl he's never seen instead of being a responsible Watcher, Bates almost succeeding in killing me, Sarah hitting on me...wait, that happens every day. The only good thing about all this is Erik. Oh, hazel eyes that I adore. *DROOL* Too bad I can't actually have sex with him. Why? Cuz I'm .... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HENTAI HUNTER GAIA Original concept by: Myth This part by: Keori HHG Hosted by: Syrian Stories PART IX: Call the SPCA! I have been VIOLATED!! DISCLAIMER.... THIS PARTICULAR EPISODE MAY OR MAY NOT CONTAIN MORE NUDITY/ADULT SITUATIONS/PANTY THEFT/ MUSIC TERMINOLOGY UNKNOWN TO LAYMAN/ METAL CARROTS THAN OTHER EPISODES OF HHG. IF THE LIVES OF TEENAGERS AND THE USE OF NAUGHTY LANGUAGE OFFENDS YOU, THEN GO WATCH TELETUBBIES!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was spending my evening alone in the auditorium, listening to the kids from the choral group rehearse the final courtroom scene from Gilbert and Sullivan's "Trial by Jury". Damn, they sounded good. I mused over the events of the past two days, and not for the first time wished that I didn't have to be the Hentai Hunter. So I go around killing perverts, avoiding crazed lesbians who want to get in my pants, avoiding Pan (that bastard), wishing that I could truly get it on with Erik...WAAAHHHH!!!! See, it's like "Devil Hunter Yohko". You know how once she loses her virginity, her days as a Devil Hunter are over? Well, it's the same thing with a Hentai Hunter, according to Pan. Maybe Pan lied. Wait a second, I'm only fourteen!!! What am I thinking??? "You're not thinking." Fortunately the hand on my shoulder kept me from jumping out of my slouching position in the auditorium chair, or I might have accidentally broken something. As it was, I went several seconds trying to breathe normally before looking up at the source of the voice. An older man looked down at me and smiled. "You know, Gaia, it could always be worse." "Who are you? How do you know my name?" The man pushed his mop bucket along a few feet and resumed mopping the floor. "I've been around here for quite a while. Pan isn't lying to you. And when you said you didn't care about the Watcher's Council, some of us got a bit worried. When Bates actually got ahold of you, most of us got really worried. Don't feel like this is all on your shoulders. You will have help." "Wait a sec. Who are you? And what do you know about the Watcher's Council? And just what IS the Watcher's Council, anyhow?" "PSST!!! Hey, Gaia, you need to get back!!!" I looked over at Celes gesturing frantically from the doorway and groaned inwardly. If this was another Pan's-hormones-have-gone-crazy episode I would be very upset. I looked back towards the guy with the mop, and shrugged. He smiled and waved me off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Celes wouldn't tell me what was going on despite my questions and dire threats. We ran all the way back to the dorm rooms, nearly crashing into a group of Philharmonic geeks sitting on the steps quoting lines from "American Pie", and ran to our crowded room. Jade was sitting on the bottom bunk, clutching something furry and crying, making weird little snorting noises as she did so. Her arms were smeared with what looked like blood, and a first-aid kit was spread over much of the floor. "Uh, Jade, what's up?" Jade looked up at me, her face contorting in anger. "That bastard!! If he's going to be a sick pervert that's his own business! But he doesn't have to take out his frustrations on poor little defenseless animals!!!" "I told you, I'm not an animal, I'm a magical mascot," said a muffled voice I didn't recognize. The furry thing in Jade's arms raised its head and smirked. "Greetings, Hentai Hunter. I'm Bubbles." "Hold on, I know what you are! You're that nasty little creepy thing that stole my underwear for Bates!" I would have advanced menacingly, but the thing pushed its nose back into Jade's arms and she turned away. "Gaia, he renounced being Bates's magical mascot after getting the shit beat out of him. Bates was pretty pissed when he didn't actually kill you." "Well, that's understandable. Wait...uh, Jade, how do you know so much about Bates?" Bubbles raised its head again, looking pained. "I told her. You know, Flidais can get pretty nasty when he takes out his whips. The handcuffs don't feel very good, either." Ew. I did NOT need that visual. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ryder and Cody had sworn off dinner at the FSU mess hall and were in search of money with which to order pizza, Erik told me later. We were sitting in his room, cuddling, kissing, laughing... God, I think I'm getting a cavity from this. "So, how did that little bat-thingy get into your room?" Erik looked at me with those big hazel eyes and ran a finger along my jawline. Hoo boy. "Um, Jade said she found it wandering around the basement practice rooms all cut up and mumbling to itself. She took it upstairs and tried to fix it up." Erik grinnned and stroked my back. The door burst open. DAMMIT!! Ryder and Cody trooped into the room, followed by Alex, Celes, Jade...and Pan. Cody was carrying four rather large pizza boxes. Despite wanting to hurt Pan and rip off Erik's clothes, the smell made my mouth water. Erik and I looked at each other, smiled, and made room for the food. Oh, yum, pizza. We sat there eating happily until Bubbles poked his head out of Jade's backpack and made a strange whining sound. "It's been years since I've had pizza." He sniffed and looked mournfully at Jade. Jade giggled and fed him a slice of double sausage. "Oh, yeah, Gaia," Pan interjected, "Were you going to tell me that Bates's minion had left him?" Something started to boil inside of me right about then. I looked at Pan, carefully put my pizza down, then stood up and glared at him. "Why, Pan Adonis, I didn't know you cared." "Of course I care, I'm your Watcher! I made a mistake, I'm sorry, please be reasonable." "And that one mistake almost got me killed, you cheap piece of crap! If you're going to be my Watcher, then be my Watcher, but don't think that I appreciate it!" I looked at Alex, who was shorter than me for once, being seated on the floor. "Maybe I have the wrong impression, but Alex, does Morgan go around boinking every cute guy she can find and leave you to deal with death, destruction, and hentais?" Alex swallowed his mouthful of pizza and blinked, "No. Mostly she runs away from Sarah." He went back to eating. Pan looked ready to cry. "I DO NOT go around boinking every cute girl I see! And yes, since I am still your Watcher, whether you like it or not, you need to tell me stuff like this." He got up and dragged out of the room. Silence. Uncomfortable silence. Ryder looked at me disgustedly. "Way to be, Gaia. Make him feel worse, why don't you?" I sat back down and finished eating, avoiding everyone else's eyes. I HATE feeling like a complete and total shit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in his evil lair Flidais Bates whipped out his stolen copies of "Demon Summoning for Dummies" and "Advanced Demon Summoning for Dummies." Riffling through them, he found a suitable spell and began rummaging through his closet looking for the proper occult tools. "Now there is no way the Hentai Hunter will be able to resist my powers!!! BWW HA HA HA HA!! Hey, it worked! Sweet! Didn't Grandpa say to start slow and work up...hmmm...what the hell?" Sitting on top of a pile of oddly-stained leather was a piece of paper with bloody smears and some fur on it. "Flidais," it read, "I am leaving you. Find another mascot to stomp." The note was signed at the bottom with what looked like a pawprint of blood. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Now I have to find a new go-fer." Thunder crashed outside and rain began to slam against the windowpanes. Flidais threw his arms in the air and howled. Then he shrugged and turned on "Dexter's Laboratory". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ String ensemble was actually going rather well, for once. We had finished up the Borodine piece, nailing the sixteenth runs, and were tackling the Cry of the Celts. Mr Parsa finished working with the cellos and turned his attention to the violins. "Oh, Gaia and Erik, I would like to speak with you two after rehearsal, okaaaay?" You know that truly annoying crescendo "ooooOOO" noise that kids and teenagers make when they think one or more of their classmates is in trouble? Gawd, I hate that. We finished up ensemble and Mr. Parsa faced me and Erik. "I've been thinking, you two, about the solo piece. As you both know the principle violin duet is the Palladio. Well, I'm changing it." Erik made a kind of cute *urk* sound, and looked at me. I shrugged. "Have you two ever actually listened to 'Lord of the Dance'? Ever heard a piece called 'Strings of Fire'?" Again, Erik "urk"-ed and shook his head. Mr. Parsa turned towards the stereo system and hit "play". Cymbals sheeted like rain. A violin started to play a slow, winding melody, then was answered by another violin. It called, the other answered...and kept answering, both instruments singing faster and faster. The song changed to an upbeat jig tune that was actually kind of catchy, accompanied by drums. I was impressed...until the music paused and the lead violin whooped out a trilling run that made my fingers itch to hear it. Then I was hooked. The runs went faster and faster, all up and down the scale. I sneaked a look at Erik, who appeared to be in fear for his soul. The violins were joined by more drums and few electric guitar riffs before finishing with a sudden flourish. Oh my God. I sat down on the nearest chair, grinning like the village idiot. That sounded sweet. I couldn't wait to get my hands on the music. Mr. Parsa cleared his throat. "Wasn't that just super? That last part is strictly thirty-second note runs, I just LOVE it. I'm breaking out of the traditional recital pieces. I think that something post-modern will be oh-so-much-more appealing then falling back on Romantic or Baroque pieces, not that there's anything wrong with that. Sooooo, this is what I had in mind for the principal violin duet. Mr. Pahng likes the idea, he thinks it's just fantastic. What do you think?" Erik swallowed a few times and said, "How long do we have?" "Two weeks. Oh, don't forget that the solo recital is tomorrow. This one is strictly for the panel, though, so don't worry about the other students." I about went through the floor. "What do you mean the solo recital is tomorrow?! I haven't even practiced my solos..." Mr. Parsa just looked at me. "Well, then, you'd better get to work on 'The Four Seasons'. It's what you're playing, you know. Well, I'll let you two talk this new piece over and let me know how you want to do this." He shooed us out, both reeling from the piece and realization that we had less than twenty- four hours to perfect brand new music. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "So how do I make it up to her?" -SIGH- "That's the problem with you young ones: you let your urges get in the way of being true Watchers." "I said I was sorry! And she's alive, isn't she?" "Yes, no thanks to you, young man. Now, we've received word that Bates is attempting to summon up some incubi and he must be stopped. His last attempts to kill the hunter failed, but that won't hold him still for long. Pull yourself out of this slump and go do your job." "But how do we stop him if Gaia won't even speak to me???" "Stop whining and talk to her. Or get someone else to talk to her. Here, take this. You know how it's used, right?" "Holy crap! I thought the last one was destroyed years ago! Yeah, I know how it works." "Good. Go on now and make us proud. Oh, Morgan would never have let this happen." "Thanks, I feel SO much better now." "Sarcasm is not attractive in a boy your age. Now get a move on." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NEXT TIME ON HENTAI HUNTER GAIA... "This is going to hurt you worse than it hurts me-" "Has anyone ever told you that you're incredibly full of shit?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author's notes: My triumphant return to Impro writing after many painful weeks of absence. WAIWAIWAI!! Many thanks to Myth, Steph, and W4 for prereading. Steph rules. She does.