"I... am... the POONTANG PROTECTOR!" Naoko and Himitsu... well, let's just say their reactions were less than intimidated. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!" The Poontang Protector joined in with his own version of whinnying, high-pitched evil deranged laughter. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" "HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!" "OOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHO!" "Bweheheheheh... ahahahahaha... GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "Oh, GOD that's good!" Where the *^*& does that keep coming from?! The Lesbian Vampire Chicks didn't join in. Instead, they all simultaneously gestured at Naoko and Himitsu. "Go get 'im!" they chorused. And the Poontang Protector barrelled down at Naoko and Himitsu, menace gleaming a small phantom of delight in his eye. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE MISADVENTURES OF NUT-PUNCH KAMEN! Created by Myth -- the person, not a story of religions past. This Part by AniMac X, The GodModer Supreme. Or Something. Episode 5: Onto The (Cutting Room) Floor Wit' Ye! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Naoko sighed, then looked to Himitsu as she gestured towards the oncoming Poontang Protector. Himitsu nodded, and they returned their attention to the crazed Shinji -- err, the crazed-in-a-different-manner Shinji, anyway. As Shinji was about to reach them, Princess Titty-Twister and Pretty Captain Cotton-Shot leapt away from each other (and, incidentally, away from the Poontang Protector). Himitsu somersaulted through the air, her feet and hands touching upon the nearby wall briefly; then she pushed away from the wall and practically flew towards Shinji, pink energy charging in her palm. Himitsu found the self-proclaimed Poontang Protector an easy mark, since he was trying to decide who he should head after first. Right as Pretty Captain Cotton-Shot sailed past Shinji, she slapped him on the cheek with the charged palm, while simultaneously yelling in his ear, "VICTORIA'S SECRET BLAST OF WAI, YOU @$%&^!!" The point-blank blast of pure energy and the pain from having his eardrums practically burst fought against the evil nature that had taken residence within Shinji, confusing him as he spun around from the slap/blast. When he stopped on the third spin, he was face-to-face with an oncoming Naoko, who looked like she was going to give Shinji a Very Bad Thing. Shinji O_O;;'ed. Naoko grabbed Shinji by the arms and pushed him face-first to the ground. The next three seconds went something like this: "COLD-HEARTED TANTRIC SHIATSU RUBDOWN!" *crack* "Oww!" *crack* "Aaaagh!!" *crack* "AHHHHHHHH!!!!" *CRACK* "Hey, that was actually fairly relaxi--zzzzzzz...." Half of the Squealing Suckers were wincing from sympathy pain. The other half were ooh-ing and ahh-ing as they witnessed the, erm, 'hands- on treatment' Princess Titty-Twister had given the fallen Poontang Protector. Naoko quickly picked up her team's kamen and slung him over her shoulder. Or she would have, if Shinji had still been "scrawny". Now that he was "cool", she took a few moments longer from both the extra weight and wondering if Shinji could have looked as good as he did now if he had concentrated more on his looks than on his Nut-Punching. "Himitsu, distract them, now!" "Ah, what the #$+%&^@ %#¿¤," Himitsu muttered under her breath as she dusted her legs off, standing where she had landed gracefully on the ground after her prior attack on Shinji. She turned around, preparing an Indecent Exposure Blast of Wah Wah attack -- and found that all of the Squealing Suckers had already fallen, blood streaming from their noses. Himitsu blinked. "Ah, what the #$+%&^@ %#¿¤?!" Naoko bigsweated, staring at Himitsu. "Um ... nice distraction." She pointed at Himitsu's -- "--ass. Jackasses and donkeys were often used to carry supplies for mountain treks..." -- then sighed and turned towards the nearest door, Shinji in possession. "Let's find somewhere safe here in Mega-Hamletopolis; we need Shinji awake to access the Pantyverse." Naoko e_e'ed. "Unfortunately." Himitsu realized that she had done the Squealing Suckers a great service. A great fanservice, that is, when she bent over to dust off her legs. She uttered a not-so-soft "$@¿$^!" as she followed Naoko out of the building, her hopes of butt-kicking dashed for now. She kicked a clod of dirt on the ground as they exited, neither girl noticing the soft, white aura that had surrounded Shinji. [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] Lorie, Ann, Dana, Leslie, and Mary -- a.k.a. the Anti-Fanservice Brigade -- arrived at the building to hear the sounds of groaning and moaning within. Unfortunately for them, they walked into the building. Fortunately for them, the sounds were just the Squealing Suckers waking up from that unexpected earlier fanservice (the irony). After nudging Lorie and giving her a cloth to wipe away the drool, Ann quickly powerposed, pointing at the vampire lesbians. "ALL of you are in violation of Regulation 36.4.567123.86er.4h of the Pretty Senshi Code!" Tinker and Linker blinked; the rest were still too groggy from the blood loss inflicted upon them earlier. "Um, what's the regulation?" Tinker queried. Dana sighed, and replied, " 'Use of sheer bodysuits for costumes/garments/ clothing is a crime against fanservice.' " Linker blinked. "But we're not Senshi." Ann -_-'ed. "......" The other three sweatdropped. At that moment, though, they realized that one of their number had gone missing. "Hey, where'd Mary go?" Leslie asked, glancing around. Linker leaned towards Tinker's ear and whispered, "Let's get out of here while they're distracted; we weren't expecting the Anti-Fanservice Brigade to --" Then Mary, the oldest of the group, blurred into existence behind the two prone Squealing Suckers. "NOBODY EXPECTS THE ANTI-FANSERVICE INQUISITION!" Tinker and Linker winced, then started rubbing their ears with their fingers. Tinker asked no one in particular, "Isn't that the Spanish Inquisition?" Mary shrugged, and pointed at them. "Whatever. CENSOR BAR OF ULTIMATE DOOM!" A large black rectangle shot out of her finger, on its way to do its job of censoring. Linker and Tinker scrambled away from the oncoming censorship; the black bar smacked flat against the floor as Linker and Tinker bounced to their feet, assuming an offensive stance -- not one that stank, mind you: they remembered their Arid XXX Dry anti-perspirant this morning. They smirked, as dark- yet- aesthetically-pleasing energies swirled around their fists. "Hah! Missed!" Linker proclaimed. Mary smiled slightly as she clenched her fist, and jerked her thumb downward. "Ha! THUMBS DOWN! RATING HYPER-READJUSTMENT!" The black rectangle vibrated... And went dead. Mary, Tinker, Linker, and everyone else blinked, then sweatdropped. [-----------------------] "YOU! Find out what the problem is!" The author tapped his foot impatiently. Stagehands scrambled over to the black rectangle. After some deliberation and poking, one of them yelled to the author, "Hey! It's using Duracell batteries!" The author sweatdropped and tossed a stagehand a new set of nickel cadmium rechargeable batteries, marked with an eccentric 'Silver Myst' logo. "Use these, it's my personal brand!" The stagehand caught the batteries, and proceeded to replace the old set with the new. As he did so and the others cleared out, he muttered, "That's the problem with working with moders: they always think their stuff is better th--" The author appeared next to the stagehand with a frown, whapping him on the back of the head. "Oi, I can hear you! And I'm not a moder!" The stagehand walked away, rubbing the back of his scalp with one hand. "Yeah, whatever you s--" The author powerposed with a smile, light ing off his teeth. "I am a *GOD*moder!" Everyone else facefaulted. "What? D'oh! More medical bills to pay." [-----------------------] They smirked, as dark-yet-aesthetically-pleasing energies swirled around their fists. "Hah! Missed!" Linker proclaimed. Mary smiled slightly as she clenched her fist, and jerked her thumb downward. "Ha! THUMBS DOWN! RATING HYPER-READJUSTMENT!" The black rectangle vibrated, then shot apart into several black censor bars (complete with flashing neon '[CENSORED]' text) in a ballistic display reminiscent of many a Macross missile barrage. The censor bars landed on various parts of the vampire lesbians' pseudo-naked anatomies, such as the -- "-- breast I have ever tasted! From now on, KFC is for me!" -- and the -- "Pussy!" the teen exclaimed, picking up her fattened kitten. "My boyfriend shot something into my little pussy, and it's now swollen up!" Then she noticed the various looks directed at where she was standing by the veterinarian's admitting counter. "Um, let me rephrase that." -- and various tattoos, much to the Squealing Suckers' dismay. Various badly-censored exclamations included: "Noooo! I can't touch my [thing]!" "Ack! I didn't feel anything when you touched my [torso]!" "B-but I haven't had Keri shove her finger into my [pie]!" "Well, I suppose I can go back to watching 'The [Jerk] Van [Gay] Show' again." "Phew! No more living a lie." The other vampire lesbians looked at the one of their kind who had said that. She promptly did a full-body blush; however, some of the effect was lost due to the censor bars. "Awwwww!" pouted Lorie, who was promptly malleted by Dana. Leslie sweatdropped while Dana was giving Lorie a good sound thrashing. She had one of those long-lengthy-and-no-good-in-combat-but-oh-so- kawaii speeches ready earlier; but when she opened her mouth to speak and saw all the faces turned towards her as if waiting, she blushed and hid behind Ann. Ann sighed. "Well, there goes our image." Then she used her Instant Transporto Zappo Thingie to transport all the pseudo-naked vampire lesbians to a nearby psychiatric clinic full of bishounen doctors and muscular interns. Under the expert "treatment" of the doctors and interns, lesbianism didn't seem to matter to the Squealing Suckers as much. Dana rushed over to Ann just in time to catch Ann before she slumped to the ground. "Ann, you shouldn't have, you're still weak from resurrecting Mary. Take it easy." Ann smiled softly as she lightly bonked Dana on her forehead with the Instant Transporto Zappo Thingie wand. "Baka. I'm fine, no thanks to you," she whispered weakly. The words were harsh, but the tone had no anger or regret in it. Ann's expression then grew serious as Mary walked over. "We still need to find Pretty Captain Cotton-Shot. How DARE she kill Ma--" Ann began, then submitted to a brief fit of coughing. Mary gingerly picked up Ann and cradled Ann in her arms, then smiled down at her. "It's okay for now." She then lightly kissed Ann on the forehead as the other woman's eyelids reluctantly drooped. "Just rest for now, li'l sister." Leslie snapped a picture, sniffling. "It's a Kodak moment!" Lorie nudged Mary and stated, "You know, she's only your adopted sister; so if you're looking for a third on a lonely night -- " Dana took out a tinier mallet and bonked Lorie on the head. "Baka. Remember, you're normally not like that!" "Oh. Yeah." Mary sweatdropped, then sighed as she readjusted the cargo she carried in her arms. "I think we should remain inactive for now, until Ann fully recovers. Let's head back to the H.Q., and we can monitor how she does there." As the Anti-Fanservice Brigade trudged out of the now-vacant building, Ann snuggled against Mary in her sleep, a peaceful smile on her face. [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] Dark Queen Blue-Balls picked herself up off the floor, surrounded by her exhausted minions. She groaned as the aches in her body made themselves known, but still managed to shakily stand on her feet. She stumbled over to her throne and plopped into it. Unfortunately, a razor-sharp tampon was there and she di-- oh, wait, sorry. Slowly, she surveyed her fatigued minions. Slowly, she surveyed how certain parts of them had 'arisen'. Slowly, she adjusted in her throne, since even the tiniest movement seemed to set off a twinge or a wave of pain. Slowly, Dark Queen Blue-Balls slumped in her seat, frowning. Blue-Balls whispered fervently to herself, "Damn Princess Titty Twister and her 'Viagra Slave'! We have to do something about her and Nut-Punch Kamen. But what?" It was then that General Tight-Pants entered the throne room, carefully making his way over the various generals, minions, and 'members'. He sighed upon reaching Blue-Balls, and kneeled at the base of the throne. The entire time, he carefully avoided eye contact with the Queen. Actually, he carefully avoided laying his eyes on ANY part of her. "Dark Queen Blue-Balls." He cringed. "I have failed you, Highness. The vampiric sex cult managed to capture Nut-Punch Kamen and turn him against his senshi, but then he was captured and taken away by Princess Titty-Twister and Pretty Captain Cotton- Shot." General Tight-Pants paused in his report, then sighed as he reluctantly added, "And we seem to have lost contact with the cult." He carefully looked up, trying not to let his eyes linger on anything beyond his leader's face. He expected wrath, anger, a sinister smile, or even a frown. Instead, what General Tight-Pants saw almost chilled him to the core. The Dark Queen Blue-Balls, the very epitome of a physically- and mentally- mature woman (especially physically), was choking back sobs and on the verge of tears. General Tight-Pants mentally o_O'ed and closed his eyes, bracing himself for the onslaught. Blue-Balls slowly stood up, and the terror began as she took halting steps down the stairs at the base of the scorched throne. "We lost the giant robot! General Third-Leg's in the hospital! The Booty Crew is doing who knows what -- " (Actually, they were 'doing' something in particular, all right. If you don't know what it is by now, go back and read this fic from the beginning, %$@# it!) " -- the detectives are who knows where! The vampiric sex cult failed! We can't get the 20% Failed Minions refund since they're missing! Our edible underwear ring is STILL faltering! And ... and...." An unnamed minion woke up in time to see Dark Queen Blue-Balls shudder with horror, and he fell unconscious from another bleeding wound. This time from the nose. After a moment of tense silence, General Tight-Pants carefully opened an eye and reluctantly asked, "And?" Then he remembered a pair of earplugs he had in his pocket, and plugged them into his ears. Where else would he plug th -- DON'T ANSWER THAT! Dark Queen Blue-Balls threw herself off the last step at the base of the throne, tackling General Tight-Pants as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. "And they thrashed my Really Intimidating and Big Palatial Secret Hideout, INCLUDING TRAMPLING MY ROSE GARDEN! *WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!*" General Tight-Pants closed his eyes tightly while wincing from the scream, pretending he hadn't just seen Dark Queen Blue-Balls's substantial physical 'assets' at point-blank range. Fortunately, he only developed a persistent nosebleed and a ringing in the ears that would probably haunt him for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, the unconscious minions had been unable to prepare themselves for a Very Bad Thing. General Tight Pants turned his head to the side and opened his eyes. Greeting his vision was the expected minions-scrabbling-the-walls-to-try-and-get-away-from-the-awful-awful- sound insanity, as the Queen continued to wail. General Tight-Pants closed his eyes and carefully wrapped his arms around the sobbing Dark Queen Blue-Balls, trying NOT to imagine exactly what he was doing lest he fall unconscious himself. He reluctantly hugged her (getting another nosebleed in the process) and said, "There, there, everything will be fine, my queen. Things will work out somehow -- " The unnamed general, sent out earlier by Dark Queen Blue-Balls, took this moment to enter the throne room. He was silently thanking the minion orientation guide for giving out the free earplugs. Looking around at the destruction and mayhem, he then saw his queen in a not-so-passionate embrace with General Tight-Pants. He stepped calmly towards them, holding out a container for them to see. "I have found something of interest," the unnamed general began. [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] A beeping of his watch caused Ozwipey to stop in horror, the words to the song he was singing dying in mid-stanza. "My Majesty is calling me back." Ozwipey sighed, and resigned himself to having to report to her -- er, him -- er, it. Muttering to himself, he added, "I knew I shouldn't have trusted those two doctors to keep their mouths shut." He sighed again as he looked down ... and noticed what appeared to be a white ladder painted on the street, next to him. He took a moment to contemplate what that was, then shrugged as he looked back up -- -- just in time to see a semi-truck barreling down on him. Ozwipey O_O;;'ed. But a couple of seconds later, it was more like he had X_X;;'ed. His last conscious thought was, "At least this is a lot less painful than what she -- er, he -- er, it -- ah, whatever! Headache!" [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] The unnamed senshi's own wristband started beeping as well. "Ma, jus' 'nudder fi' minu's." She turned onto her side to try and slip back into blissful unconsciousness, but a jagged piece of concrete poked her in the side. Groaning, she rolled onto her back and rubbed her eyes with balled fists, then blinked her eyes open. And blinked again, seeing a razor- sharp tampon flying towards her -- oh, no, wait a sec. Actually, it was a part of the ceiling falling towards her. But, hey, it's still dangerous. "Nani?!?" She rolled away, narrowly averting Morphine Pain. She rolled into part of a bathroom stall, though, getting Motrin Pain instead. "Itai!" She tried to sit up to look around. One brief bout with heavyweight champion Major Dizziness later, she instead let her head bang back onto the floor. Which quickly brought her up to Morphine Pain right before she blacked out. She woke up shortly thereafter, her wristband continuing to beep. She ignored it for now, reaching behind her head to find out what caused the pain earlier. Gingerly, she touched a large bump on the back of head. This caused another small fight with Major Dizziness, but she managed to fight him off. Bringing her hand before her face, she found a red sticky substance coating the tips of her gloved fingers. She licked her fingers. "Mmm, ketchup. But where's the fries?" She sighed as she rolled onto her stomach. Crawling to a nearby wall, she used it to support her as she got to her feet, finding it easier to fight off the annoying Major Dizziness. Then she surveyed the damaged bathroom, and looked with horror at all the red substance coating the walls and floor. Then sighed in relief as she noticed little pieces of plastic ketchup packets also stuck on the walls and floor. THEN almost facefaulted as she saw what she was wearing. "Eh? What the HECK am I doing in a senshi fuku?!?" She didn't notice her lack of cursing, just as she paid no attention to her fair abundance of cursing in the past. As she started to stumble out of the bathroom to get her bearings, she noticed the plastic-wrapped candy lying in a small pool of water on the floor. She *_*'ed, then blinked and carefully shook her head as she sunk to the floor, staring at the candy bar. "Why do I feel so strange?" she asked herself, an arm involuntarily reaching towards her Candy- chan. [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] A plane blew up in mid-air over Egypt, as it was preparing to land. The rescue crew put out the fire, helped the survivors out, and located the black box. After the rescue crew took count of the casualties and survivors (and had their union break for tea and crumpets), it was determined that two bodies were missing from the wreckage. It was also determined that they should get a pay raise for working on such a wreckage, and they promptly went on strike. In the distance, two figures were solemnly watching the scene from behind the airport fence. One turned to its partner, and said something. The other looked like it was about to punch its partner's face in, but thought better of it and simply shook its head. Then they both turned away from the wreckage, and started trekking across the desert and sparse vegetation. After a couple of miles, they headed back and caught a taxi, paying for it with a Visa Gold card. Truly, it is everywhere you want to be. [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] At the moment, the Sucker was engaged in a fight with the Booty Crew (sans Douche Bag Kamen for a few reasons. Or one obvious one, anyway). Apparently, they were fighting over who would, um, 'take care of' Douche Bag Kamen first. The Sucker found herself at a serious disadvantage. And it wasn't just that she was fighting five senshi at once. (Nor was it that she was mentally disturbed.) When she had tried to suck in Lovely Princess S&M, S&M's whip had flicked out twice, splitting the Sucker's lip in two places. The Sucker had managed to dull the pain with lip balm while dodging the Booty Crew's attacks; but in her haste, she found herself trapped against the object of their affections and surrounded on all sides. Magical Knight Nympho pouted cutely. "Now, why don't you just leave and let us have our kamen to ourselves? These nice girls did." She gestured to the various prone bodies of all the women who had gathered at this spot. The Sucker shook her head rapidly. "Never! Now ... fear my ultimate attack!" Ignoring the pain from the two cuts, she rushed one of the senshi as her mouth opened wider, and wider, and wider, and -- oh, you get the point. Uber-Kawaii Senshi Anal-Bead bigsweatted. On instinct, she flung out a Lesbianistic Fantasy wave of sound without even uttering the name of the attack (blasphemy!), hitting the Sucker full in the mouth. The Sucker shuddered a moment, her mouth almost closing. As Uber-Kawaii Senshi Anal- Bead charged another attack, however, the Sucker continued toward her. "LESBIANISTIC FANTASY!!!" Anal-Bead screamed, more from fear than for effect, flinging a second, more powerful wave of sound into the Sucker's body instead of the mouth. The two vibratory blasts were too much, and the Sucker flew back as ... let's just say 'she almost unwillingly submitted to a powerful force' and leave it at that, shall we? Good. Magical Knight Nympho and Spiffy Captain Clitoris leaptpouncedhuggled Uber-Kawaii Senshi Anal-Bead, the fight finally over. Nympho let go of Anal-Bead to clap her hands with joy. "Yay, that was so COOL!" Lovely Princess S&M was walking towards the group when she noticed there was Something Not Right. She looked to where the Sucker had landed, still shaking from the attacks (among other things). Then she looked to see that the Sucker was leaning against their beloved Douche Bag Kamen. And that the 'largest organic sundial in the world' happened to be vibrating, too. "Awwww, nuts." Magical Knight Nympho stopped clapping and jumping to frantically look around. "Where?!?" Then she noticed the same thing S&M did, and pointed it out to the others. A group pose with flashy lighting effects ensued. And they all yelled, "Surely, Douche Bag Kamen will come for us!" Except it didn't sound quite the same as when one of the Bishoujo Sailor Senshi said that about Tuxedo Kamen. After the camera faded to black, a large explosion could be heard... [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] Naoko blinked as she sat Shinji on a crate within another abandoned warehouse. "Say, wasn't that an earthquake?" Himitsu shrugged. "Never ^%&@# heard of a ¤*%$@ earthquake in &%@* Mega-Hamletopolis before." Naoko shrugged as well. "Most people never heard of Mega- Hamletopolis before, either." "Good $#+&@ point." [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] [¤_¤] Shinji blinked his eyes open, to see Naoko's face hovering before his. *What happened? What woke me up? Where am I? Does Princess Titty- Twister care about me?* He got the answer to his second and fourth mental queries when the fourth slap hit him in the face. "Hey, I didn't call you 'Princess Titty-Twister' aloud this time!!" "Wake up, Shinji, you da-- ah, good. Now we can head back --" Then Naoko did a double-take, and frowned. "What do you mean, didn't call me that aloud? You just called me that NOW!!" she >_<'ed. Shinji, on the other hand, o_o;;'ed. "Sorry, sorry!" "That tears it! COCK-TEASE OF THE SEVENTH LEVEL OF --" In mid- move, Naoko stumbled unexpectedly and ended up splayed out on the crate, her belly on Shinji's lap. She shook her head as if to clear it. "Oww." Himitsu blinked. "What the %$#% *&+¤ happened?" "How should *I* know??" Naoko tried to get up, but ended up just able to roll on her back, in Shinji's lap. She closed her eyes as she crossed her arms over herself, shivering with cold. "Naoko, ever experienced being completely drained of energy before?" Princess Titty-Twister blinked, then shook her head at Nut-Punch Kamen, who was glowing a serene white aura. "No, actually -- wait, you mean the attack on Blue-Balls' Hideout, fighting you, and dragging you here ... it completely drained my energy?" She was whispering by now, the shivering intensifying. Shinji nodded. "As you say. Just relax for now. Pretend you're in the Hall of Fanboys, and absorb the energy around you." Shinji then closed his eyes. "You know, you should have let Himitsu carry me if you were feeling weak earlier, since you hate me so much." "But... I wasn't feeling... this weak..." Naoko blinked, then looked to Himitsu. Himitsu just shrugged, speechless for once, as confused over Shinji's apparent mental clarity as Naoko was. Naoko just closed her eyes, too tired now to even move from Shinji's lap, as she weakly whispered, "Okay." With little difficulty, Naoko fell into the light meditative state (a.k.a. nigh-absolute boredom) she used in the Hall of Fanboys. Searching out a source of energy nearby, her eyes jolted back open as energy surged into her being. From a source next to her. Naoko looked to Shinji, whose eyes were still closed. "You know, he looks kind of cute," she whispered so only she could hear. Then Shinji started snoring as his white aura faded. Naoko blinked, then frowned intensely. "What the #$&* hell??" Himitsu blinked as well, a line of hers apparently taken. Naoko just sighed heavily, then eased herself from Shinji's lap. And then, she proceeded to slap the daylights out of Shinji. "Hey, wake up already!!" Shinji fell from the crate to the ground with a , a and an *OW!*. "I'm up, I'm up!" Then he looked up at Naoko, who was looming over him. "Princess Titty-Twister? You okay?" Naoko nodded with a slight smile. "More or less." Then the smile disappeared. "Good enough to let you off the hook for calling me THAT again." "Sorry." Naoko facepalmed. "It's okay. Let's just go. To The -- um, Himitsu, you want to say it this time?" "Sure," Himitsu replied as she shrugged. "To The @#$^* Pantyverse." A whole lot of nothing happened, punctuated by very loud silence. Naoko sweatdropped. "Ummm ... without the cursing." "¤•@$. To The Pantyverse." And they all disappeared from Mega- Hamletopolis, teleporting to their gothic hideout. [-----------------------] Author's Notes (a.k.a. Author's Random Jibba-Jabba, Foo'!): Thanks go out to: Myth, for being VERY nice to me and letting me have my impro debut after several 'complications' (read: 'my snobby, arrogant self'). Stephica, who did an excellent job of pre-reading this piece and offering many great suggestions. I used almost all of them! Kinda sucks that she now eternally regrets ever hearing my name, though. Roya, for telling me that my piece didn't completely suck. Instead, this piece kinda sucked. I think I wrote this piece fairly well. I'm pleased to say you'll find few errors here, if any (especially after Stephica's suggestions. Thanks, Stephica!). So why do I say this piece wasn't that great? Well, it seemed a bit more serious than the previous installments, which means I brought it out of genre. Still, I suppose it couldn't be helped, since I was trying to streamline the story for future authors. Also, I went out-of-character with some of the characters for a prolonged period of time (actually, ANY amount of time is a prolonged period of time, when it concerns out-of- character). I tried to stick humor in several places, but it still leaves much to be desired. Now, some explanations: The emoticons were originally used in the first installment. Normally, this is a Very Bad Thing. But I felt that the emoticons actually gave this fic its own unique personality. Feel free to do away with emoticons in future installments, if you so wish, future writers. The oldest of the Anti-Fanservice Brigade had supposedly taken "a quick dirt nap" in the first episode/installment, which should have meant she died. So why were there still 5 members in the fourth episode/installment? People can be resurrected, and Ann's Instant Transporto Zappo Thingie was on the fritz, so I connected the two. I had Ann, the leader, resurrect Mary off- screen (or between installments), which used up a great deal of her energy. Who and how often she can resurrect is up to future authors; heck, if you want, it could be the ONLY time she can do it. I pretty much "killed off" Ozwipey, the Danger Detective Agency, and the Sucker without actually killing the characters. At least, I didn't say if they were alive, or if they were dead. With some filling-out, they could be great characters; but right now, too many characters are running around. I still left the opportunity for people to bring them back into the plot at almost any time, but try not to unless you feel you can add more depth to them. Doesn't have to be too much depth, since it's supposed to be like a 2D cartoon genre feel. Just ... something. New characters are nice at the beginning of a fic; just make sure that they're charismatic to the authors and the intended audience. Speaking of new characters -- ah, nevermind. Though I've written before, this is my first posted impro fic, so I'm not going to put any more advice. ^_^;; On with the plot explanations! I "killed off" the Squealing Suckers in much the same way, except with a 'culture change' instead of an ambiguous death. The Anti-Fanservice Brigade, Dark Queen Blue-Balls & Co., the Mysterious Senshi, and the Booty Crew: I left their plots WIDE open. What's in the unnamed general's grasp? When will we see the Anti-Fanservice Brigade again? Will the mysterious senshi regain her memories from Candy-chan, or remain as she is now? What will the Booty Crew do, now that their 'tower' of a man is back to normal (hopefully)? Hyper Nut-Punch and Nut Hail are all well and good, but everyone knows power-ups should only come once a "season" in a series. :P Personally, I think Shinji should forget about those two moves until later in the series. I gave Naoko a new move, though; it seems to be the 'tres chic' thing to do. I started something between Shinji and Naoko, since usually the princess and the kamen are fated to be together in a senshi team. Or something. Anyway, I wouldn't mind whether that plot line was continued or dropped. That's what impro is all about, after all. Once upon a time, there was a machine that was created. Its specific task was to censor subtitles. It worked quite well in this capacity; however, as with many other prototypes, it had a few bugs in it. When it tried to censor "The Dick Van Dyke Show", the title came out as "The Jerk Van Gay Show." In various parts of this installment, I portrayed myself as a weird idiot. Probably because I *AM* a weird idiot. Or something. All of the above advice is only advice; what's done with this series is ultimately up to the future authors. Most of you know these already, but here are rough translations: "Baka!" = "Idiot!" (Japanese) "Nani?" = "What?" (Japanese) "Itai..." = "Ow..." (Japanese) "Sansnom" (from NPK #4) = sans nom = "without name" (French) - AniMac X "I'm just in on this for the outfit and the right to kick some ^$o^o$(^& magical girl ass." - Himitsu, "The Misadventures of Nut-Punch Kamen!" #2 "A moder is someone who claims to be omnipotent and unstoppable. A godmoder is one who does the same, with the exception that he can back up his claims." "Godmoding is not a gift that can be directly taught, nor is it a specific goal one can train to attain. It is something inherent within each of us, through the application of both the practical and the impractical knowledge aspects...." "When gods clash, the result is often destruction and chaos. When godmoders clash, a calm debate is all that is needed. And a true godmoder will not even need a debate; instead, he or she will admit to being inferior. And thus, they prove to be the superior; for they wish to spend their time seeking knowledge, not power." - Three excerpts from "So You Want To Be All- Powerful", the online brochure for Godmode University